He did it! Dev came through, I knew he would but as usual, I couldn’t imagine how, as usual. It was his birthday, and the emotions were everywhere. Intense grief mixed with intense gladness that he had been my son, mixed with the eternal “why” questions that will never be answered. I worked today, I wanted to stay busy, and I thought one of those special connections that Devon was so known for might happen there. Moments would occur here and there…but nothing big and obvious. I cried on the way home; it’s such an awful feeling, this grief. No one tells you how physical grief is, how you feel so heavy, and that even walking can feel too much. Not knowing what to do next after work, I thought of the morning I heard of his death, and how, not knowing where to go or what to do, and in shock, I went to the beach.

I had seen

a dolphin that day; I thought at the time that it was Devon, saying goodbye. I decided to go to the beach again today; Devon loved his sunsets so much, and I feel connected with him there. By the time I got to the beach, the sun was setting.

I ran to the shore to take this picture, running past several people and vying for my spot on the water’s edge. I overheard a woman next to me say to her friend, “I need someone who can help me with my resume.” Her friend says, “Me too!” And I started to laugh- here was the connection! Of course, it would be at the beach.

“I know a guy,” I said to them, and show pull up the website of a friend who specializes in resumes. They take a picture of my contact. That was so Devon! The sunset was beautiful, and as I turned to leave, I looked back one last time. I knew it- there was a dolphin that I had been waiting for. Thanks, son, I needed that. I miss you and love you and I’ll see you again. And I know you are with me every day, even when I am not aware. Amen.